"Those who tell you something cannot be done have never done anything that required faith in God." Jen Backus

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Honesty

As I watched Mark walk through the garage this morning I had a thought that won't leave me. He was taking Bryce to town to run some errands, and getting into his truck, and the kids had left their bikes all over the place. So it was somewhat of an obstacle course to get to his truck. And just watching him, and trying to move the bikes, and worrying about him falling, and yet not wanting him to know how worried I am, I had the thought- I have to acknowledge the possibility that he may lose this battle with ALS and be taken from me. I never really believed it until now. We looked at each other when he sat in his truck and I wonder if he was thinking the same thing. That is not to say I have lost hope, but I just had a feeling that the course of our lives is not something we can always control. We have seen so many specialists and he is taking so many supplements, drinking special water, wearing magnets on his feet. And yet it seems that his condition is slowly and steadily deteriorating, in spite of our best efforts. And I ask myself the question I have been pushing out of my mind. How could the Lord need him more than I do? More than his four little boys? I have thought that it may not be that the Lord needs him, but that through this trial we will become better people, more fit to live with Him someday. Perhaps Mark is meant to touch the lives of others and this is the best way. I know God loves us and is aware of our needs. It may sound strange, but now, more than ever, I know that He loves me. He loves me enough to let me suffer and grow. He wants us to come to him. But oh, can't I learn the lesson and still keep my husband? Yes, of course we will be together forever, I know that too. I have been comforted so many times lately and felt assured that this just a chapter in our lives. I am deeply grateful for Mark's unfailing faith and example. And to everyone who has prayed with us and for us and helped us in so many ways. Thank you. I have never felt so blessed.

11 comments:

Casey & Valerie said...

That is an amazing entry. You are truly a very strong lady and your family is so lucky to have you.

arfurniss said...

Liz, reading your blog, I really appreciate your example of faith. It is really inspiring to me, and definately makes me think about what my priorities should be.Thank you for sharing!

bunker said...

We love you guys and enjoyed spending time with you at the wedding. Hope to see you shortly. Come up and you can stay with us if you want!

Peggy Merrell said...

Liz and Mark, I just want to say what a touching post this is. I read it earlier this week, but was too emotional to reply at that moment. Thank you for your example of courage, faith, and strength. You are influencing everyone within your reach. Just want you to know that we are praying for all of you, and keep you in our thoughts too. We love you. Dean & Peggy Merrell and family

Scott and Jaime said...

Liz,
You don't know me very well I am Brad Thurston's daughter and we have met several times. I wanted you to know though that you are such a wonderful example and me. My family and I pray for you guys all the time. Mark is so lucky to have such a wonderful wife. Your entry was very sweet and brought tears to my eyes.

Brian Duffin said...

Liz:

Is there something posted on another web site about the fundraiser this Saturday? I would like to post a link to it on my blog, http://millennialstar.org. We have quite a few readers in Arizona and I would like to do what I can to send people to the fund raiser.

Btw, your family is in my thoughts and prayers.

lyz's world said...

Liz,
Thanks for this beautiful post. It was so nice to see most of the Kelly's at the fundraiser for Mark. It was so awesome to see how much love was shown for you guys! you so deserve it.Hey we want to get together or something...I don't know if it will work for you guys...my email address lyzebrt@yahoo.com

kristi*jansen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
kristi*jansen said...

hey liz,
it was great to see so many people turn out for mark's "party" yesterday. i was impressed by all the lives he's touched and it was amazing to see so many men in uniform! thanks for a great selection of baked goods :)
thinking of your family often!
xo, kristi {payne} jansen

ps: i talked my 2 brothers in law to donate blood with me yesterday and just before it was my turn i realized i didn't have photo ID... so they were able to donate and i was not. suckers! :)

Kawa Rangers said...

Yo Mark, I hope all is well. I got here from Kelli Mullins blog (small world). I was curious seeing the name, so I clicked on the blog and sure enough, Mark Kelly from the Calgary mission. Anywho, it's been years since the old Canada days. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this time. I hope all goes well and things work out. Stay strong, keep faith. Take care,

Cam Kawa

Charlene (& Laird) Taylor said...

Hi and hugs, Liz - Your courage and testimony are such an inspiration for me. I've hit a low point this week, nothing like yours. This Sunday has been a spiritual feast from start to finish. And I just finished reading your posting. I love you and pray for you and your family. Sorry we're too far away to participate in person but will send a contribution and keep you names on the prayer roll here. Wish I could be there to hug you and give you the gift of special time with your sweetheart now. He must be an awesome man. Try to hang onto your faith. You have a huge group of people praying for you all and that can make a huge difference.

Love - your old neighbor - Charlene